


Recursion

by Xairathan



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8207392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xairathan/pseuds/Xairathan
Summary: There are eighteen Angels aside from the Lilim. We just forgot about one.





	

It appeared, without warning, over the ruined sector of Tokyo-3: a roiling mass of purple and black, drifting slowly like a cloud towards the center of the city. There were sirens, echoing stridently over the city, too loud in the absence of the thundering of the hillside batteries. Those had been destroyed in the battle with the Fourteenth Angel, and no one has bothered to fix them yet.

Asuka, launched to the surface in her freshly-repaired Unit-02, glanced sideways at the other EVA looming over the city. She hated this, hated to admit it, but she'd rather be deployed with Shinji than Rei any day. Shinji, at least, could pull his weight. Rei... Asuka dismissed the thought. Rei was just another obstacle to navigate around.

"Try not to engage in contact," Misato's voice said over the radio. "We just repaired your EVAs. We don't need them broken again."

"Understood." 

Only Rei acknowledged the transmission. Asuka rolled her eyes and scoffed- even getting beaten by the Fourteenth Angel hadn't changed Rei one bit. Asuka didn't know what she expected; maybe she'd hoped that being blasted at close range might rattle something loose from Rei's skull, make her act like anyone other than herself. Of course, she was wrong.

Asuka's been wrong about too many things lately for her own liking.

Rei lifted her pallet rifle and aimed it at the Angel. "Major Katsuragi. Permission to engage?" she whispered.

"Speak up, won't you?" Asuka snapped. "It's not like that thing can hear us."

"Can it, Asuka! Rei, permission granted."

"You both don't know what you're doing. I'll end this!"

Asuka leapt from her starting position, seizing her EVA's progressive knife from its housing. At that same moment, Rei opened fire. A chain of bullets shot from the barrel, arcing towards the Angel. Asuka didn't hear the roar of the gun; she was running, the feet of her EVA tearing gashes in the street. "Asuka!" Misato shouted. There was static on the line; a crackling, and it was coming from Rei. What might that be- a gasp, a nervous gesture?

Unit-00's hands shot out and grabbed Asuka's EVA around the waist, halting her before she could go any further. "What're you doing?" The red EVA's arms flailed backward, but Unit-00 held it steady, dragging it back behind the safety of a building.

There, shielded by the high-rises and Rei's EVA standing over her, Asuka saw at last what the others had noticed far before she could. The bullets Rei had fired hung motionless in the air, not even spinning. The Angel, too, was frozen.

"What the hell?" Asuka whispered, her eyes unwittingly darting to Rei's communication line. She received no reply. Clearly, no one knew what to do either. Asuka's hands clenched tightly around the control sticks. That familiar upwelling of hatred was growing within her, begging to be directed at Rei, at Misato, at the Angel. Asuka instead aimed it at herself- for she, much like she suspected Misato also did, found herself wishing that Shinji was here with them.

* * *

Commander Ikari has not come to the meeting, nor has Fuyutsuki. Misato has expected this; since the defeat of the Fourteenth Angel, the only thing the Commander has concerned himself with is the status of Unit-01.

She swivels in her chair, watching Ritsuko from across the table. It doesn't take a genius to tell that even their lead scientist is worried. "I ran some scans on the Angel," she says, shoving a folder towards Misato. "This is what we got." 'This' being more numbers that Misato won't be able to understand, not without an explanation. She wonders sometimes if this is Ritsuko's way of holding power over her, getting back at her for all the times she's been overridden by Misato's command.

"It's like the Twelfth?" Misato guesses, unwilling to give Ritsuko too much of an edge.

"Not quite. From what our sensors detected, it's projecting its A.T. Field in a way that slows the progression of the bullets in relative time to us. It's altering the flow of time around it to slow itself down. Fortunately for us, it seems the Angel won't be able to make an attack on NERV while it's doing that."

"So it's like the Fifth Angel, only it's slowing things down rather than stopping them entirely. Why would it do that?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Ritsuko leans back, removing her glasses to rub at the bridge of her nose. "I'd say it's trying to find out what those bullets might to do it. We'll only have this one chance if that's so. Once the Angel figures out what we're throwing at it, it'll adjust accordingly."

"You're saying it's overreacting."

"I'm saying you only have a few days to figure out a way to beat it. Major." There's a harshness to that last word. The way Ritsuko's clipped it tells Misato her judgment was close, but there's something more. The Angel isn't the only thing putting pressure on her.

"Right," Misato sighs. "Three days?"

"I'd say you have that much time." Ritsuko has stood, clearly signaling the end of their meeting. "All the information we have is in that folder. I wish you the best of luck."

"And why would I need that?"

"You'll have to get Asuka and Rei to work together."

The door creaks behind her; Ritsuko's heels clack on the tiles as she retreats down the hall. Misato furrows her brow, opening the folder at last and flipping through the pages. Because of the Angel's nature, the attacks will have to come from close range, within the spread of its A.T. Field.

Misato feels her head lowering, coming to rest in her hands. Here's yet another impossible assignment. Ritsuko shouldn't be complaining, Misato allows herself to think. She's never been assigned this sort of task; she never will be, so long as Misato is there to heap that burden upon.

It's a selfish line of thought, Misato realizes as she leaves the meeting room. Then again, everyone's been acting selfishly these days.

* * *

"No. Absolutely not," Asuka says. She's taken the news with a relative measure of calm- no explosive shouting, not yet- but this is where she'll draw the line. "I'll do that stupid dance pad training with her. I'll even let her live in the apartment with us. But I'm not sharing a room with her!"

"You realize she's standing right next to you, right?" Misato sighs. "Look, according to the data Ritsuko gave me, this is the only way we'll beat this thing. You have to support each other, and you have to kill it at close range."

"Rei's too slow to keep up with me!"

"You have three days to get her up to speed, then."

Asuka pivots on her heel, facing the First Child. She hasn't spoken during their gathering; the only thing she's said was a greeting as she stepped through the doorway. "Look at her!" Asuka cries, storming over and grabbing Rei by the arm. "She's got no initiative. You send me in there with her, she'll get herself killed, and who's gonna get the blame? I will!"

"If I die, you will not be blamed." Rei's spoken at last; her words, meant to comfort, only stir Asuka's anger.

"Like hell I won't! Everything's my fault. The only one who can seem to do anything around here right is- is Shinji!"

"And he's not here, which means we have to rely on you." Misato's eyes sweep from Asuka to Rei, and the dread that's been fighting to tear free of its containment in her chest starts thrashing harder. "You have today to use the training pads. Tomorrow you move on to hand-to-hand combat. After that, you're taking on the Angel."

"I still say this is a waste of time-"

"Enough, Asuka. I'm in command, and this is what you're going to be doing. I have to go back to NERV to see what equipment we can get you for the attack. Rei, you're in charge. Asuka, she's older, and she's more mature than you, so you'd better listen to her. If you don't, I'll have to suspend you after the operation."

It's an empty threat; Misato knows that. They need all the pilots available, and they need Asuka. But Asuka seems to subside, instead glowering at Rei with her arms folded over her chest.

"The pads are in the storage closet," Misato says. "You can take the spare futon from there and Rei can use it. I expect to see some progress when I get back."

She leaves Asuka and Rei standing there in the living room, preparing herself for the journey back to NERV. Surprisingly there is no further objection from Asuka. Maybe she's finally realized what Misato has, that working with Rei is their best chance at surviving- or she could be saving her rage for once Misato's gone. As long as the Angel is dead at the end of the week, it won't have mattered.

As Misato opens the door to go, she hears the click of the supply closet and the familiar sound of plastic mats being dragged across the carpet. Her curiosity piqued, she peers around the door.

Rei is standing in the hall, quietly looking at Misato, her own way of bidding the Major farewell. Asuka is nowhere in sight.

* * *

Rei is slow. And not only that, she shows no sign of getting any faster, something that Asuka is unable to forgive. Even Shinji- lost, gone, trapped in his entry plug- would be better than Rei.

Asuka hears a groan slipping through her teeth as she steps back onto the mat. She's voiced her complaints to Rei repeatedly- you're too slow, you're too jerky, you don't even know what you're doing- and yet Rei has been unfazed by them all.

Asuka arranges herself over the red circles and glances at Rei. "Think you can keep up this time?"

"I will do my best."

Another thing about Rei- Asuka can't tell if she's not trying, or if Rei is actually being held back, bound by that blandness about her. Where Asuka excels (or claims to), Shinji is boring but efficient, and Rei is... Rei is ordinary, painfully so.

They slip on their earphones. A soft tone indicates the start of the track, and then the music begins. It's soft and familiar, stirring within Asuka the memory of someone else beside her, someone who could actually keep up.

Her hand slips off the mat, and she sprawls sideways. A moment later there's a buzz, signaling the end of the exercise- or more specifically, her failure. "Damn it!" Asuka shouts, tearing her headphones off and tossing them to the floor beside her. "Don't you say anything, First!"

The edge of Asuka's mat rustles. Rei is standing there, extending a hand. Asuka slaps her away and sits up quickly, glaring at her. "I don't need your help," Asuka mumbles. Rei takes a few steps away, watching Asuka get up. "And I don't wanna hear anything from you, either."

Rei nods and goes back to her mat, standing in the ready position. She's done nothing but practice, Asuka notes as she retrieves her headphones and puts them back on; even Shinji, if he were here, would've held that incident over Asuka just to prove her imperfection. It's too much to think that Rei would do differently just to spare Asuka's feelings.

"You're so boring," Asuka sighs, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Are you ready, First?" Rei doesn't respond. Asuka turns toward her impatiently. "First?!" Rei is staring off at something- the wall, maybe, only there's nothing there. Asuka stamps her foot and snarls. "Come on, First, we don't have time for this! Ayanami!"

Rei moves at last, tilting her head to look at Asuka. "You called me something different," she says. That distant look in her eyes is still there, focused on Asuka- like her eyes are trying to bore into her, or something like that. Asuka almost wants to take a step back. "I think I will be able to perform to your expectations this time, Soryu."

"Y-you don't get to call me that," Asuka mutters. She wants to add more, to say calling Rei by anything other than 'First' was a mistake, but in doing so she would have to admit she made a mistake in the first place. Asuka points at the mat, motioning for Rei to get ready. "If you want me to believe you, you'll have to show me."

"Very well. I am ready when you are."

Again, the music starts. Again Asuka moves along with it, but this time something is different. She can't take her eyes off the lit circles, not if doing so will mean her failure again, but she knows from the lack of a buzzer that Rei is somehow keeping pace with her.

A bead of sweat works its way down Asuka's face, drips onto the mat. It hasn't been long since she'd trained with Shinji; why, then, does this song feel so much longer than she remembers? How can Rei still be synchronized with her when she hasn't heard this portion of the song all day, and her only memory of it would be that one time with Shinji?

The song comes to an end, like Asuka's thoughts have disrupted it and jarred it into silence. From the corner of her eye Asuka sees Rei removing her headphones and hanging them around her neck. There's a satisfied air to her that Asuka's never seen before- she almost expects Rei to smile. She hopes Rei will smile, give her something to use as ammunition, but Rei yields nothing. She'll have to try something else.

"Why didn't you do that from the beginning, if you could pull that off, huh?" Asuka asks. Her headphones have slipped from her ears, dangling lopsidedly from her head. "What was the entire point of that? Are you trying to humiliate me, First?"

"It was not." Rei reaches out with both hands to adjust the headphones, settling them around Asuka's neck, much like her own.

"Don't touch me!" Asuka lifts her arms to push Rei back, finds them immobilized by Rei's hands, grabbing onto her wrists. The First's grip is warm, firm and yet not painful, and Asuka can't break free of it. "If you weren't trying to show off, then what were you doing?"

The curve of Rei's mouth shifts, becoming inquisitive. "You are different, Second. Keeping up with you is not as easy as keeping up with Ikari. I had to study you before I could match you."

"You've been watching me," Asuka says. "Are you telling me I'm the only reason you're suddenly decent at this?"

She expects a denial, a shrug, anything but a concession. Rei simply blinks a few times, then dips her head. "I suppose so." She releases Asuka, returning to her training mat. Asuka rubs her wrist while Rei's back is turned to her, trying to wipe off her touch. "Shall we do this again, Second?

Asuka doesn't respond for a moment, merely considering Rei's words. So the First isn't as cold as Asuka's believed her to be. "I guess we should," she sighs. "Misato will want to see how we're doing once she's back."

"Then I am ready."

As one, they slide their headphones back on. Asuka prepares herself to play the song. As she does, her eyes wander slowly over to Rei- just to see if she's watching, she tells herself. The First Child is not looking back at her, not this time, but that smile Asuka has wondered about is there. It's the most emotion she's ever seen from Rei, and- her heart soars in her chest- she's the one who put it there.

* * *

Ritsuko, alone in the control area above Unit-01's housing, looks over the multitude of screens one last time. It's not that she doesn't trust Misato's capability, but the odds of Asuka and Rei being able to work together are, suffice to say, lower than her chances of success here.

Which means, she thinks grimly, they're all doomed.

The preparations for the salvage operation have been completed, and Commander Ikari's approval has been given. All that needs to happen now is the actual operation. There isn't much more Ritsuko can do now, other than pray, and the Angels have jaded her far too much for her to do that.

She keys in the last command sequence with trembling fingers.

Unit-01 begins to rattle in its restraints, the creaking of metal audible even from the control box. With a great grinding of steel on steel, like the EVA itself is in pain from this, the entry plug begins to slide from Unit-01's neck.

A spray of LCL issues from the plug. There are no alarms, no sirens, no indication that something's gone wrong. Ritsuko takes a look at her readouts and collapses onto the chair behind her, staring blankly at the ceiling.

The Third Child has failed to be retrieved. What remains of him is a puddle on the steel floor, seeping into the cracks in the tiles, an unsalvageable mess. Protocol dictates that Ritsuko shut down the control area, call Commander Ikari, and go through all the data- but what would be the point in that? The Third Child is gone. Ikari probably won't be fazed by the outcome.

Ritsuko sighs and reaches blindly across the table, her fingers navigating the desk until they come across the phone. She knows Misato's number by heart; she can punch it in without looking. Tonight, she wishes she didn't.

* * *

Death has visited again. Misato has lost her son; Asuka, frozen in the living room in disbelief, doesn't know exactly what she's lost. She wouldn't dare call Shinji a friend or a rival, and yet his absence is hitting her harder than any Angel has. Rei has shown no outward sign of grief, and yet her hasty retreat into Shinji's room- his old room, Asuka notes- is something in itself.

In the kitchen, the first of Misato's tears have begun to fall. Asuka finds herself able to move again, spurred by a sudden hatred- that Akagi would try such a desperate operation knowing she might fail; that Misato, their commander, is crying; that she, Asuka, is allowing herself to be affected by this. But even she can't deny that this is a loss.

Asuka stumbles into her room, the shadows of its furnishings somehow unfamiliar. Shinji's death has sucked something from it, even though the times he's set foot in this place number less than the fingers on Asuka's hands. Asuka navigates her way to the bed and collapses on it, allowing herself to gaze blindly upwards. Shinji is gone. In two days, they'll be fighting an Angel without him. There hasn't been an Angel yet that she's fought without Shinji beside her; how can Rei hope to compare?

The door clicks, slides open. Rei is standing there, eyes shining in the moonlight, regarding Asuka silently. "What do you want?" Asuka snaps, pushing herself upright. "I told you, I'm not sharing a room with you! You can... you can stay in his, can't you?!"

"You are in pain," Rei says, advancing into the room and closing the door behind her. "As is Major Katsuragi. And yet despite your hatred of Ikari, you seem to be hurting more."

"I need you to fight the Angel with me. I don't need you telling me this." Asuka stands, walks toward Rei. She wants the First Child gone; she wants to be alone; she wants nothing more than to immerse herself in the loss, let it consume her. It's the coward's way of mourning, Asuka thinks, but in the absence of something to vent her wrath upon, there's only this.

"Second-"

"I get it, okay?! You need me to pilot. I can do that later. Just leave me alone, can't you? You've been doing that since you met me! Anyway, you barely even feel! I bet this doesn't even hurt you, does it?"

"Ikari was a pilot like us," Rei mutters. "And a friend. I may not grieve as you and Major Katsuragi do, but I miss him, too. This hurts me as it does you."

"I bet you're just saying that," Asuka says. "Trying to make me feel better."

"Perhaps. But it is also for myself."

Rei lifts a hand, steps closer. Her fingers brush Asuka's shoulder. Asuka flinches and starts to pull away, but finds herself held still- Rei's arms have wrapped around her, holding them together.

She wants to throw the First Child off, tell her to leave again; if anything, perhaps the act of asserting herself will make the painful clenching of her chest stop. Yet Asuka remains still, allows Rei to hold on to her. She lifts her eyes towards the ceiling, gazing at the chipping paint. Rei is holding her, something even Shinji hasn't done, and somehow the realization of this is enough to soothe the ache.

* * *

Misato expects them to train, to continue on like nothing's happened. This is something Rei can do, that she actually excels at when compared to Asuka. True to Misato's plan, they've moved on to sparring, using nothing but the carpeted floor of Misato's apartment as a mat.

So far, only Asuka's won. It isn't so much a lack of trying on Rei's part as a convincing act: after the night before, Asuka will need to feel like some part of her is in control. The easiest way, Rei thinks, is to allow herself to be defeated, and that's what she's done.

Only, Asuka's getting bored now. They've sparred all through the morning; Rei's technique offers nothing new to Asuka, and Asuka is getting tired of winning. She won't say it, but Rei can see: her grabs are sloppy, no longer crisp, and her gaze is no longer focused solely on Rei. What Asuka might be thinking of, Rei isn't sure, but she can guess- that Shinji would've given her a better fight.

They retreat across the room, taking up their positions. Asuka's hands, held in front of her, are lower than they should be. She starts forward, preparing to make a grab for Rei, only to find herself being flipped through the air to land on her back. A moment later, Rei is atop her, holding her to the floor.

Asuka's eyes are filled with wonder. Rei supposes hers would be too, if she'd been defeated by an equally unassuming opponent. "What's gotten into you?" she hears Asuka ask. "Is this some more of your watching me before kicking my ass bullshit?"

Rei merely shrugs and stands back up, extending a hand to Asuka. Neither answer she could have offered would've helped Asuka's self-esteem, so why say anything? As expected, Asuka ignores her hand and pushes herself up, not waiting for Rei to ready herself before lashing out with her hand.

The hand connects with Rei's cheek, a red mark already beginning to well up on her pale skin. In doing this, Asuka's left herself wide open- something she, still underestimating Rei, hasn't considered. Rei's arms wrap around her waist and bring her to the ground, restrain her there for a moment before withdrawing.

The next time Asuka swings at Rei, she gets her leg swept out from under her. The time after that, Rei steps to the side and lets Asuka barrel past before grabbing her from behind.

Asuka's back connects with the floor again, the wind knocked out of her by the force of the impact. Rei stands above her, looking down, and yet there's no triumph in her eyes- just the same unwavering patience Rei's shown so far. She extends a hand, yet again, and this time Asuka finds herself taking it. She turns as she rises, catching a glimpse of her reflection in the television set- there's something odd. She's grinning- an act that feels inherently wrong given Shinji's death, and yet here she is. Despite that, despite her exhaustion, she's smiling. Because of Rei?

"Again," Asuka says, her eyes narrowing. It's become a predator's smile now; this is the fight Asuka's been wanting, and she's fully focused herself at last. Gone are the abrasive fronts she keeps up at all other times- this Asuka, Rei thinks, is the most genuine one. If she'd only taken Asuka's offer of friendship before, this might have been avoided. Why didn't she do that, Rei wonders.

It must be because of the absence of the Third Child. Yes, that would be it- one loss to drive them together. Asuka crouches, begins advancing towards Rei, that smile still on her face. If it isn't that reason, why else would Asuka be smiling? Why else would Rei want to be near her?

Asuka leaps, her hands meeting Rei's. This is why, Rei realizes. Not because they have lost, but because there is something more than comfort to be gained here, a friendship. And from the look on Asuka's face, perhaps she realizes it too.

* * *

All the sparring has made Asuka thirsty. This by itself isn't a problem- but it's two in the morning, and she's supposed to be asleep. It isn't like Misato will mind: she's still at NERV, working to prepare for the coming mission. She'll probably return in the morning, drive Asuka and Rei to NERV, and then- Asuka feels the floor creak beneath her as she treads too hard on one of the boards- then they'll fight the Angel.

The kitchen is completely silent, save for the humming of the refrigerator. Asuka pries the freezer door open, extracting a few cubes to put in a glass. Damn this need for water- she'll probably be up in a few more hours, she thinks, that time to use the restroom.

She's gotten her water and begun her retreat to her bedroom when there's a shrill ringing behind her. Asuka spins, nearly spilling her water as she brings her arms up to defend herself, but it's just the phone. It rings loudly in the quiet, five times, and then clicks over to voicemail.

Asuka expects, hopes, for Kaji's voice. What she receives instead is Ritsuko's, talking low and fast. "Misato?" it says. "Misato, you're probably still angry at me, but listen. I've been putting equations into the MAGI, and you need to hear this. Because of the Angel's ability to manipulate time, its death is going to cause an uncontrolled release of it. Nothing bad will happen, but there's a 95.7% chance that..." Ritsuko pauses, and for a moment all Asuka can hear is her breathing. "That when it's killed, the temporal interference will erase everything that was manipulated. We won't know it ever existed, we won't be able to remember it, but-"

"But Shinji will be back," Asuka hears herself say. The tension in her stomach that has lain dormant for so much of the day suddenly springs into motion, churning her insides. The voicemail machine turns off, a single red light flashing to tell Misato she's missed a call.

And suddenly, the water in Asuka's hand isn't important any longer. She drinks it in a single gulp and sets the glass aside, navigating back to her room with one hand on the walls. Shinji, returning. All it'll cost is two days' worth of memories- what is there to lose?

Asuka steps over Rei on her futon, pauses by the bed. No- there's something to be lost here. There's that memory of Rei smiling, of Rei holding her. Or might it be something more? Asuka crawls onto her bed and rolls to the edge, one arm dangling down by Rei's face. At such proximity, she can almost feel Rei's breath brushing her fingers.

Why wouldn't she want to forget this, Asuka wonders. For all his faults, Shinji has always been better company than Rei. He listened, complied with her every demand- and that might be it, Asuka thinks. Rei, in fighting back, has done more than Shinji ever has.

Rei sighs in her sleep, a warm wave of air washing over Asuka's fingers. Asuka frowns and reaches out, brushing Rei's hair away from her eyes. "You're such a mess," Asuka murmurs. "I can't believe I got stuck with you as a partner." She receives no response, only Rei shifting on her futon. "You won't remember any of this after tomorrow. I won't, either. So I guess I'd better thank you now for saving my ass."

Asuka stops talking, and for a moment says nothing, listening to the sound of Rei's breathing. "You're the only one who's held me, you know? Even Kaji wouldn't do that. How pathetic... that I had to rely on you."

Of course there's no reply. Asuka doesn't know why she'd expected otherwise. She inches closer, the backs of her fingers brushing Rei's cheek. She is seized, suddenly, by an urge to lean down and grab Rei's hand. Her fingers twitch as she rolls across the bed, folding her arms over her chest.

"I really am the pathetic one, aren't I?"

* * *

Asuka doesn't remember waking up, or getting into Misato's car. She stares at her plugsuit, clutching it in shaking hands. Surely it isn't sleep deprivation; no- it's something else. She doesn't want to forget, or rather, Asuka doesn't want to be forgotten by Rei.

She hears the hiss of Rei's plugsuit behind her. The First Child is now ready for combat. Rei turns, adjusting the cuffs of her plugsuit, and regards Asuka with her red eyes. "Are you ready, Soryu?" she asks. Asuka grits her teeth, holds her plugsuit a little tighter. "Soryu?"

"What makes you think you have the right to call me that?!" Asuka snaps, turning on Rei in a single, sudden motion. "You think because you beat me a few times, you can get to call me Soryu? You don't even deserve to call me Second, First!"

Before, Asuka wouldn't have seen a single one of Rei's reactions. Now she sees them all- the slight widening of her eyes, the shift in her stance, preparing to take a step back if necessary. But the most obvious of these is the tremor that ripples through Rei's hands, and she clasps them together in front of herself, like she's aware that Asuka has seen this little display of weakness.

"Is that truly what you think?" Rei whispers. "I did not expect you to acknowledge me as a friend, but I had hoped..."

"For what? That I'll fall for your act like Shinji and the Commander have? Well, guess what. It didn't work, First. Go bother Misato, or something. It's better than having to put up with you some more."

"I see." Rei shuffles toward the door, her eyes locked on the ground. "If my presence distresses you this greatly, I will leave." Asuka watches her approach the door and pause, her hand on the knob. "Tell me, Second. Is this truly what you want?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It is how you defend yourself. You push people away." Rei turns back, and her eyes lock on to Asuka's. "You are defending yourself against something. Against me. What have I done?"

"You..." Asuka sucks in a breath, prepares to continue her tirade, and yet nothing comes out. Rei steps closer, and now Asuka sees the concern in her gaze, the way she regards Asuka with caution. "Doctor Akagi called last night while you were asleep." Asuka shifts her gaze away from Rei's face. She can't bring herself to look Rei in the eye, not when she's delivering this sort of information. "She says once we kill that thing, we're going to forget everything that's happened. Time will reverse. Something like that."

"If the Angel does not die, Ikari will remain dead. We will perish as well"

"And if we do, I'll forget this! I'll forget about you. We won't be friends anymore." And here's the admission Asuka's been holding back so long, that she sees Rei as something more than just _pet, doll, First_. Rei takes this in stride, advancing closer.

"You never seemed to be bothered by that before, Second."

"Well, you didn't use to like me back then, either."

"I always have. You simply did not present yourself as someone to be liked."

A pause. Asuka realizes now how quickly she's breathing, how hard her heart is pounding against her chest. She thinks, between the spots in her vision and the throbbing of her head, she might collapse at any moment.

"I don't want to forget," Asuka murmurs. She stares at the ground, sees Rei's feet approach the uppermost edge of her vision. "You're the first one who's..."

"Who's what?"

"Who's cared about me."

Rei steps closer. There are arms around Asuka's neck, holding her gently. The last time she felt an embrace like this gentle, this soft, was- when? "There are more who care about you, Second," Rei says.

"Misato doesn't care. The only person she cares about is Shinji."

"Shinji cares for you."

"And he sucks at it." Asuka shuffles a half step backward, but Rei holds on. Asuka wishes Rei would continue to do that, to hold on not to her, but to the memory of the past week. "You're better at it than he is."

"That is high praise from you."

"No, it isn't. He's just that stupid." Asuka's arms surround Rei's body, pull her in tightly. Even now, the First Child is warmer than Asuka expected her to be. "I don't want to forget," she says again.

She almost expects Rei to say something more- a reassurance, one that Asuka will be able to believe. But Rei doesn't lie- Asuka doesn't know if she's even capable of lying- so she says nothing.

In a way, that silence is worse than if Rei had merely lied.

"I like being friends with you," Asuka mutters. The burning feeling that's been building behind her eyes reaches its peak, sending hot tears tumbling down her cheeks. "Doesn't it bother you? That we'll forget?"

"It does, Second. But it is not in my nature to cry. So... I suppose you will have to do so, for the both of us."

Asuka sniffles in Rei's arms, wipes her eyes with the back of one hand. "You don't have to call me that, you know," she says. "Second. You can call me Asuka."

"Asuka." Rei repeats her name, and the sound of it is enough to make Asuka cling tighter to her. "Will you be alright?"

"Y-yeah. We have to get that idiot back anyway, so... let's go do it." Asuka smiles, says this, but does not release Rei.

"Misato will wonder where we are."

"That Angel's not going anywhere. Give me a minute."

Rei shrugs, a miniscule twitching of her shoulders. Asuka leans against her, and Rei remembers now that Asuka still hasn't changed into her plugsuit. Another thought- this will be the last time they'll be together, physically, before the Angel is defeated.

Asuka at last relinquishes her hold on Rei, her hands sliding slowly from Rei's shoulders. In that moment Rei is stepping forward, her mind blissfully clear. If she will forget all this, there is nothing to be ashamed of in allowing emotions to rule her this one time.

Her lips and Asuka's brush, barely touching. She hears Asuka breathe in, but not out; she seems frozen, rooted to the spot. Rei moves back, her face returning to its usual impassive state. "I will be waiting in my EVA," she says, and dashes out the door before Asuka can find her voice.

By that time, Rei is already gone, no doubt in her EVA, leaving Asuka no way to tell her that she wishes she'd been able to kiss Rei back.

* * *

Asuka and Rei, in their EVAs, regroup on the surface. The bullets they'd fired have moved noticeably, closing three-quarters of the distance to the Angel. "This is it," Asuka hears Misato say through the radio. "Once you two enter the range of its A.T. Field, we're going to lose communications with you. Are you two ready?"

Asuka, her axe in hand, casts a glance over at Unit00. It too stands ready, a glaive clasped in both its hands. "Ready as we're gonna get," Asuka mutters. "Rei?"

Again, a confused silence from the radio. Then Rei responds, and Asuka can hear her smile, in the slight lifting of her voice. "Yes," she says. "Go. I will follow you."

Unit-02 stands and races forward, cracking asphalt beneath its stride. Unit-00 follows a short distance behind, matching Asuka's pace. If it were Shinji doing that, Asuka thinks, she'd be irritated, and yet that Rei can do this excites her.

They pass the edge of the A.T. Field, one after the other. Despite her miniscule lead, Asuka emerges a good ways ahead of Rei, running full-pelt at the Angel. "Come on, Rei!" she shouts, brandishing her axe as she runs. Above them, the Angel shrieks, a strident warble that shatters the glass in the surrounding buildings. It doesn't faze Asuka; she leaps, swinging her axe and cleaving a portion of the Angel away. "Not so big without your A.T. Field, are you?" she asks.

"Asuka!" Rei can't point, but her gaze is directed at the area above Asuka, where the Angel's mass has gathered and prepares to plunge down. She hears Asuka cursing, sees Unit-02 pull its limbs in, but knows Asuka won't be able to roll away in time-

She rears Unit-00 back, drawing the glaive over her shoulder, and launches it. It soars in a line, arching towards the Angel and piercing its body near the middle. It shrieks again, gathering itself and seemingly collapsing in, regrouping.

Unit-00 walks over to where Unit-02 has raised itself up, leaning against shattered skyscraper, and draws its Progressive Knife. "Are you alright?" Rei asks.

"I'm fine," Asuka says, shaking her arms within her entry plug. "Just got surprised. It won't happen again."

"It's coming back."

Asuka nods, aiming the head of her EVA and her axe upwards. Her eyes stray, though, to the hand of Unit-00. It'd be far too imprecise a command, not to mention a distraction from the mission, to try and hold it. But Asuka allows herself to wish, for that one moment before the Angel comes crashing down upon them, to imagine that the Angel has slowed time just for them, that they might try and hold each other again.

* * *

The Angel is dead. Rei lanced partway through it with her glaive, and Asuka finished the job by smacking the glaive through with the flat of her axe. The Angel now has begun to unravel, little wisps of it floating off in multiple directions. Time, too, has become undone. Misato's said the same thing at least twice; the only consistent thing is the Angel, at the heart of all the chaos, slowly disintegrating into nothing.

This time, it's Unit-02 that draws close to Unit-00. Asuka and Rei lift their eyes, watching the Angel writhe to an end. "Ikari will come back," Rei murmurs, releasing the Progressive Knife from her grasp. It falls, embeds itself into the street blade-first. "None of this will have happened."

"The idiot will have another chance. That's what matters," Asuka says. She doesn't believe those words- if she and Rei could defeat this Angel, then what of the others that will come? Then again, this Angel hadn't put up much of a fight. It might be better, then, that she'll forget this example of her own inadequacy.

"Do you feel it?" Rei asks. "I... I can't."

"Neither can I. Maybe it'll affect us last." Asuka sighs, her hands clenching into fists on her lap. If they won't remember, then maybe she can allow herself to be stupid, just this once. "Rei?" she says, her voice crackling over the radio. "I... think I like you. I mean- at least, I wish we could still be friends."

"Asuka-" Rei begins. At that moment, the last wisps of the Angel hiss and dissolve, leaving only empty air behind. "Asuka, I-"

The street is empty, unmarred, save for the Progressive Knife sticking out of the asphalt. Asuka hears Misato's voice coming into her entry plug, sounding just as confused as Asuka feels. "What's going on up there?" she asked. "Why are you two deployed?"

"Don't ask me!" Asuka snaps. "Some sort of training exercise, I bet. Come on, Misato, you're in charge here! You can't just deploy us and then forget."

"Yeah, yeah. Come back in, you two. Playtime's over."

"Hmph. Hopeless. Can't even run a single exercise without forgetting what she's doing," Asuka mumbles to herself. To her left she sees the blue EVA descending into the Geofront, carried down by the rail system. "And of course little miss perfect's going along with it. I almost miss Shinji. At least he's predictable."

Asuka goes on, a ceaseless stream of muttering that continues through her trip back into the Geofront and the entirety of her walk to the locker rooms. She slams the door open, expecting the First Child to have beaten her there, only to find the room empty. Of course- the Commander would want to debrief his favorite before allowing her to return.

Asuka has changed from her plugsuit into her casual clothes when the door opens again. Yet there is no witty comment from Asuka's lips; she turns, and finds herself without anything to say. From Rei's equivalent silence, it would seem the First Child has encountered the same problem. And still this feels somewhat familiar, down to the unnerving quiet between them.

Rei steps forward, tilting her head slightly. Asuka frowns and tries to push past her, finds her way barred by Rei's arm. "Asuka," Rei says. "I need to talk to you."

**Author's Note:**

> _I ended up writing this in one day. I worry sometimes._


End file.
